“i could leave this body”

Rachel Tanner

the main difference between today & yesterday
is that yesterday i didn’t want to die

crept up on me sometime in the night
somewhere in my dreams i guess

my lack of future found me hiding among
all the plants i’ve accidentally killed this decade

brown messy topknot clothes
stained with soup & sweat

i could shower but i won’t could leave my bed
but i won’t could sing at the top of my lungs

but i won’t maybe it’s for the best that
i spend all this time alone because

putting someone else through this just feels
cruel in a very clumsy way i can’t articulate

it’s my birthday all i want to do is
crawl inside a space that

doesn’t already know my shape

(what a thrill it must be to not know who i am)